Dr. Susan’s Girls-Only Weight Loss Guide

Daughter is Overweight, Bonusdaughter is Model Thin

Dear Dr. Susan,

My 13-year-old daughter is somewhat overweight and I just married a man whose 15-year-old is one of those skinny, model-like girls. Suddenly, my daughter is obsessed with her body and with losing weight, but she wants to go on a really strict diet. I've told her that it's dangerous to diet, but I'm not sure what else to suggest.

Thanks, Lydia

Dear Lydia,

It must be very tough for your daughter to suddenly be faced with a bonus sister who contributes to her feeling bad about her body. However, your husband's daughter has done nothing wrong--other than being born with good genes and taking care of her body. This is an important opportunity for you to teach your daughter about taking care of her health. If she is overweight (and the doctor has confirmed it), it would be a good idea for her to learn how to become healthier. You are right that a "diet" is not the answer. Diets deprive children and teens of important nutrients. Instead, learning how to eat healthily and incorporate exercise into her life will make her feel and look better. I'd suggest that you get her a copy of my new book, Dr. Susan's Girls-Only Weight Loss Guide: The Easy, Fun Way to Look and Feel Good!. It teaches girls how to take control of their own health and life so that they can break away from unhealthy patterns and pressures. You may want to get a copy for yourself too, to help you understand the issues and phases she may be experiencing. Pay special attention to the subsection in Chapter Six called "Sibling Stress". Here's a short excerpt from that chapter.

Samantha, age 17

“I sometimes hate living in my family. My younger sister, Carin is a great athlete who eats whatever she wants and never gains a pound. Lucky Carin has the "good" genes from mom's side of the family. I, of course, inherited dad's genes--the ones that make me struggle with my weigh. To make matters worse, I hate sports. I know I should exercise, but I haven't found an exercise I like. I try to eat healthily and I am successful a lot of the time. But I still can't help being jealous of Carin, who seemed to have it so easy. Carin and I are always fighting with each other."

For girls like Samantha who try to have a healthier body it can be difficult to have a sister or brother who looks exactly the way you would like to look seemingly with out even trying. This often creates feelings of jealousy, envy, or anger toward your sibling, which can cause confusion and frustration in yourself and your family. I call them Sibling Stress.

Sibling stress can be a pattern that creeps into your relationship with your brother or sister without you even realizing it. It may be hard to admit to the jealousy or resentment so you may find yourself fighting, bickering. and griping at your sibling for all sort of reason that have nothing to do with what your bodies look like. Samantha's mother told me she thought Samantha hated her younger sister but she had no idea why.

"Carin loves Samantha and really looks up to her," she explained. "But Samantha has no patience for her sister, argues with her about everything, and is mean to her. I just don’t get it."

Sibling Stress is more common than most people like to admit. But if you answer yes to any (or all) of the following questions you should be able to admit, at least to yourself that you've got a problem with a sister or brother:

* Do you sometimes feel like you hate your sibling?

*Do you often wish you were just like your sibling?

*Will you sometimes find yourself becoming angry with your sibling for no real reason at all?

* Do you sometimes feel that your mom or dad favors your sibling because she or he is the some better than you?

* Are you relieved to be away from home, or wish that you were already, because it means you don't have to think about your jealous feelings?

* Do you think that your sibling has a better life than you because she or he has a better body than you?

Aha! Now I Understand

At first Samantha was reluctant to reveal her true feelings to her mother, saying instead that Carin was annoying, bratty, and whiny. But, then she told e something different: "Carin is perfect. She looks great, eats whatever she wants and is athletic. But, I constantly have to 'watch what I eat.' I don’t like to exercise and I’m unhappy with my body. I'm angry at Carin all the time. I guess that's why I'm mean to her." Once Samantha realizes what her behavior meant, life with Carin suddenly took a change for the better.

The First Step

Like Samantha, you will need to think about your relationship wit your sibling and then take an honest look at your feelings, to determine whether you are in the middle of a pattern of Sibling Stress. If you do recognize these feelings you don't have to tell anyone else, but don't hide them from yourself.

Making the Changes

I won't lie to you, getting rid of Sibling Stress may not be the easiest thing you've ever done, especially if it's been going on for a long time. But, you can definitely do it as long as you take the following steps and be patient with yourself/

Dr. Susan’s Sibling Stress Relief Plan

Step one: Tell yourself the following:

Everyone is different and I will focus on what I love about myself, not what I dislike. You may need to say this several times a day until you believe it.

Step two: Make a list of all the positive things about yourself that you can think of.

Then make the same kind of list for your sibling. Include things like: How you do in school (e.g., great in French and English), your friends (close friends, interesting friends?), your looks (pretty hair, eye, etc.) talents (piano, tap, and others), skills (like cooking, gardening, and building), emotions (sensitive, easygoing, etc.). When you are done you will discover that your list of positive attributes is at lest as log as the one you make for your brother or sister. Your sibling may have strengths in some areas (like eating and weight), but you have many strengths of you own. Every time you feel envious or angry look at your list and remind yourself that you’re terrific.

Step 3: Make a list of the things about your sibling that make you jealous. "

Good luck! Dr. Susan

Teen weight loss, teen diet plans, & teen exercise programs